I know I haven't updated the site in a long time, but this article should make up for it. Today we're gonna take a look at Garbage Pail Kids. Now these aren't the original ones from the eighties, they're those newer ones that are probably exactly the same thing. In this article, I'll review 6 Garbage Pail Kids. Let this be a warning to you, they're absolutely fucking disgusting, so leave if you get sick easy.

First up, Dirty Birdie. The much sought after shiny foil slighty metallic-looking super special sticker. Every pack of GPK has a foil sticker, and my pack had Dirty Birdie. This is one of the less disgusting Kids. I don't see what's so bad about, it's just a newborn baby ripping the leg off a stork and eating it. I actually like this one a lot. It's my second favorite, and it's shiny.

Bungee Benjy is second. This one's pretty cool. Who would have thought that a little 4 year old kid could bungee jump, only instead of a bungee cord, he uses a really long string of snot? Maybe I should get my 4 year old cousin to try this. Or maybe not. I think that's why the cancelled the original GPK cards. It probably gave little kids bad ideas, like bungee jumping with snot. Good idea or not, it's a pretty unique card.

What the fuck? Xtreme Xavier is exactly the same thing as Bungee Benjy, but with a dumber name! Remember how I said Bungee Benjy was unique? Well I changed my mind. If this is some sort of sick joke, it's not fucking funny. If it ever happens to me again, I'm gonna find the GPK packaging plant and go on a rampage. I hate when stupid shit like this happens. Damn.

Krummy Kim is one of the more semi-gross ones, but I'm saving the worst for last. This one is a Girl Snot selling cookies door-to-door, and she's also puking all over some random dude's doorstep. If you look real close, you can see a squirrel in the background on the windowsill, and he's pukin' his brains out, too. So this one has two weird little creatures losing their lunch. Neat-o.

Next up, we have Spider Manny. Spider Manny is hands-down definitely my favorite Garbage Pail Kid that I own. But that really doesn't mean much seeing as how I only have 6 Garbage Pail Kids. This sticker also has to be the best Spider-Man parody I've ever seen. But is it as cool as the real Spider-Man? No. But then again, Spidey had life-like spider webs, whereas Spider-Manny just uses his snot.

Eep. I saved the worst for last, and Scabby Abby is definitely the worst, and the grossest. If they make another Garbage Pail Kids movie, and Scabby Abby is in it, I'm not going anywhere near the movie theaters until a week after GPK stops playing. That's how utterly digusting Scabby Abby is.

--Kyle