Normally, when I write about trading cards I write about Garbage Pail Kids. This may come as a shock to some of you, but I'm kinda getting bored of snotty barfly little babies. So here's trading cards that are even dumber and more boring. Enjoy scenes from five most-of-em-good 80's horror movies.

Look! It's Bub. To be honest, I've never seen all of Day Of The Dead, but from what I've seen it's really great. I like guts. Especially when they're being ripped out of your still-living body. Bub likes guts too. Look at him eat that whatever it is.

Ah, Ghostbusters. I don't believe I've ever met a person who didn't like Ghostbusters. So I guess that this really doesn't need an explanation. As for the 'Did It Happen?', though. Of course it happened. It's happened to every crazy dude who ever lived. Maybe the reason that these cards never sold was because the people who write this garbage are mentally stupid 12 year olds. Or becuase they were just so horrifying.

Okay, Aliens is one of my favorite movies but this card ruins it for me. Did I miss something in the movie about some Charlene? And you can't yearn for stuff if you're dead. The 'Did It Happen?' is even worse than the frontside of the card. Of course it didn't happen. They didn't even invent togas until when Animal House came out.

When I was a kid, the transformation scene in American Werewolf In London used to terrify me, but now it makes me red with rage. How can you turn into the wolfman by soaking in fucking dishwashing liquid!? And yes it did happen. Everyone knows zombies know how to handle shotguns, and all they can think about is killing stuff all the time, so it's only natural that that actually happened.

Why the fuck do they say this is from Vengeance: The Demon? As far as I'm concerned that movie doesn't even exist. It's fucking Pumpkinhead is what it is! And the pumpkinhead monster would never say such a thing as "Cheese!" He just growls and then kills you. Now If you'll excuse I'm going to go back in time 15 or so years and have a stress attack.