Orange Crunch, Bleeding Red, Green Slime, Slurpin' Purple, Color Me Blue...sound familiar? No? Whatever.

Those were the five *much too* colorful flavors of the once popular Tongue Splashers bubblegum. Tongue Splashers were one of my favorite childhood food items, and I haven't seen them in years. Until one fateful day (that day also happened to be my eighth grade graduation day), my parents took me to a Cracker Barrel restaurant for dinner. After eating, I looked in the store section of the place, and I saw a can of these fuckers. Of course, I bought it.

They look like ordinary gumballs, right? Well looks are often deceiving. You touch one of these things and your fingers are instantly the color of the gum. I accidentally dropped one on my white carpet and my mom got pissed when it stained purple. The gum's container claims that the gum will change your mouth colors, but it didn't say anything about a chance that I may accidentally dye the whole fuckin' room. Anyway, I figured if it changed everything else it touched different colors, it would make my mouth a super-awesome shade of green.

The freakin' gum didn't do a damn thing to my mouth, as you can see. Oh well, so much for having Hulk-Mouth. I probably could have got a greener tongue by not brushing my teeth for 4 and a half weeks.

--Kyle.