Now I bring you my first comic book review...Toxic Crusaders issue #1! This comic is based on the cartoon that was based on one of my favorite movies, the Toxic Avenger, made by Troma in 1985. The comic book was made around '91, and published by Marvel comics.

This is really one super-cool comic book, but then again, this is coming from someone who's willing to waste five bucks on stickers depicting puking babies. Anyway, this issue tells the story of how Melvin Junko became the grotesque creature of superhuman size and strentgh that is the Toxic Avenger. But his good friends just call him Toxie.

Okay, Melivn is the dork with the orange hair and the mop. Melvin is a total loser who lives with his mom and works as a janitor for the Tromaville Health Club. One fateful day, Melvin met a blonde hottie named Bimbette. Bimbette told Melvin to meet her at the Club at seven or so, when no one was there but them. Melvin thought she really liked him. Ha. Bimbette also told Melvin that she loves the color pink. He doesn't have anything pink, so she lends him a pink tutu. Melvin shows up and when he gets there, all the lights are turned off. Then, Bimbette turns on the lights, and there's a hundred people laughing at Melvin. Melvy starts to run away, and goes up the stairs. Then he runs down a hall and accidentally jumps through a window. Good thing he lands in a barrel of toxic waste. A barrel of toxic waste!?

Melvin turns into the Toxic Avenger! After transforming he scares the citizens of Tromaville shitless, so he runs away to seek refuge. He finds sanctuary in the local dump. Somewhere along the lines, he meets a blind girl, whose name doesn't really matter. They fall in love. But soon after, a couple of punks want the blind girl for themselves. Toxie saves her in a bizarre and violent manner.

That's pretty fuckin' awesome right there. After Toxie saves blind chick's life, some other stuff happens. Toxie meets some other mutants, and they form the Toxic Crusaders.

These newfound teammates are called Major Disaster, Nozone, Headbanger, and Junkyard. They each have their own superpowers, too!. Major Disaster can control plant life. Nozone is allergic to everything and he has radioactive sneezes. Headbanger is a two-headed freak of nature. And Junkyard is half dog, half hobo. Together they fight crime as the supergroup, the Toxic Crusaders. They also think that they would make a great TV show.

--Kyle